Much of what you'll find among internet advice on internet dating is bad, some of it is pretty spot-on and helpful.
You might think your boilerplate message is a clever one, but anyone who's had an online profile for more than two weeks can seriously smell the arrival of one in her inbox.
What i was not prepared for were the copy-pasters, the virus transmitters, the people who apparently send identical messages (or gently mutated versions thereof) to the owner of every female profile they can find.
Hes not just copy-pasting the same message to different people, hes copy-pasting it to the same people, multiple times.
how to write a good online dating message
) for some reason it seems like standard operating procedure, among those with opposite-sex interests, that guys message girls and that is that.
I would feel bad, except that the authors of the messages that provoke that kind of reaction most certainly do not give a fuck.
You get the idea, i get the idea, every one of us is in perfect agreement that this is the pinnacle of dating-message achievement and i got it all to myself.
Ill even concede that writing messages to prospective girlfriends/boyfriends can be an intimidating business, and that having an outline of a message that works well for ones personal style is not the gravest sin to ever be committed.
what to write in online dating message
Everyone was always telling me that, if nothing else, having an online dating profile would be a confidence booster because of all the flattering messages id receive.
I know this was a surprise to many of these messages authors, because i could see them returning to my profile for days afterward, checking to see if id been online.
I mean, yes, technically im five-eleven and a half, but im not going to round up to six feet online, am i?
But i also knew that if i really wanted to meet someone as much as i was saying i did, i might have to step outside my comfort zone, which is what i call my flannel pajamas, and into the big, hopeful, scary world of internet dating.
On the first day of online dating, that is sort of all you really need.
!A few years back, the okcupid blog posted a really helpful index of what kinds of messages get responses and which ones don't.
It made me feel like i wasnt a person, and i guess to the people sending the messages, i wasnt.
I checked out the profile of the guy whod messaged metall, dorky, kind of funnyand though i didnt find him all that attractive, i impulsively decided to chat with him anyway.
A lot of it is basic, but not so basic that it hasn't kept hundreds and thousands of online daters from violating these extremely basic principles anyway.
I say apparently because i wouldnt have known this was the case had i not signed up for okcupid along with jenna, and later my other friend rylee, and watched with horror as our inboxes filled up with a not insubstantial number of the very same messages from the very same users.
.I think he thinks this message is about me (or, rather, she) because hes listing things hed supposedly want to do with me, but it isnt.
. the cry for helpthere must come a time, after youve been online dating for months or even years, when you feel your spirit leaving your body.
It is the best in terms of the number of boasts it manages to fit in such a small message: 1) has a corporate job; 2) is a fitness model; 3) has folks that work for him; 4) owns suits and ties; 5) looks good shirtless (presumably).
.Though this message is almost its own animal, a mixed-breed neg/cry for help/boast of sorts, i am categorizing it here because clearly this guy has been burned by tall girls before, and it couldnt have less to do with me if it tried.
Trite, absurd, insulting, expressions of the soul-sucking vortex known as humanityWondering what to say in your first online dating message?
.Fine: this was before i realized that listing a myers-briggs personality type in a dating profile was gauche.
There's lots of good stuff here write using real words and real sentences; don't compliment their looks up front; bring up specific interests.
When this message came, and i was mildly flattered, it was only because my spirits were already broken.
Its hard to know for sure when it will happen, though my experience suggests that youre probably getting close when you find yourself sending messages like the ones below.
I realize that these young men probably dont consider the fact that the women theyre messaging might have persuaded a few of their friends to suffer along with them, and that in doing so they will surely be comparing messages.