" it's never going to help, it's always going to cause problems and whose genitals with which you might or might not engage at some hypothetical later point were your current relationship to be over will be, at that point, none of your hypothetical-ex's business (unless it's a family member or maybe a good friend of their's) so it's sort of not their business now.
There are those who would be okay with knowing he had and might again in the future have sex with his friends.
Friendship problems arent exclusively a female phenomenon, ive also set up a friendship blog connection page for men on facebook.
" it's something i only share with the person i'm with, and it distinguishes the difference between friendship and love for me".
Think the point you make about whether or not his former friends-with-benefits would actually fall back into the same sort of arrangement were he single again is an important distinction.
Maybe the letter writer really is being irrationally jealous, and everything is on the up-and-up, and i agree that it's not okay for her to ask her boyfriend to completely cut off contact with his best friends.
"well, let me start by saying to anyone, including your boyfriend, that when your partner is even a little insecure about you being friends with people with whom you used to bump uglies, the appropriate thing to do even when specifically asked whether you would ever trip the light fantastic with them again if not in a relationship is to say, "no.
That's also not to say she should tell him he has to give up his friends, or give him any other demands.
Real deal is that you're quite uncomfortable that your boyfriend doesn't share your values about sex, and you're that much more uncomfortable that he has these close female friends with whom he does share those values and friendships of which you're not a close part.
Maybe they had a thing based on mutual attraction but some key incompatibilities made them unsuitable as long-term partners -- like she wants kids, he doesn't.
my ex wants to hook me up with his friend
It took me 20 years to realize that the people nagging me to not be jealous in my relationship were really more concerned about my clearly untrustworthy boyfriend's freedom than my well being.
Think it's valid to remain friends with old lovers, but my partner felt like his ex-lovers were his "best friends" and that it would be very easy for him to pick things up with them again, that would make me feel uncomfortable, too.
I don't see why someone would waste time pretending to be friends with multiple people just for the possibility of boning them again.
His friends are likely not your enemies -- or, depending on how you've acted toward them, they didn't start out as your enemies -- and your boyfriend's ability to have close friendships with men and women isn't a sign that he has less intimacy to give you.
But now to me it just shows that a man is capable of seeing women as full human beings that they want to have friendships with instead of seeing them as just booty calls or sex vending machines.
You don't even actually know if they'd ever bone him again, if they'll still be single (or single again) at some future point after which you two might have broken up, or what they think of you (other than, i assume, that you aren't very friendly, unless you're an oscar-award winning actress).
Experts advice on what went wrong and how to learn from these situationsShare < br />this article:Girl talk: i set my best friend up with my ex.
Attempted to make them feel secure by opening up about his past and how it relates to his present relationship and what he wants in his future.
In other words, when we start hooking up with an ex after a breakup, we dont just get to magically start from scratch.
Other than the foolish admission that he'd probably bone them again if single, by your own admission, you don't think he'd cheat on you, he doesn't behave in a more-than-friends way towards his former fuck buddies and he's told you that he's not interested in doing anything with them because he's with you.
my ex wants to set me up with his friend
" they could be sex vending machines he's afraid to get rid of because he wants to use them when he's allowed to again.
Youre reached this page (most likely through a search engine) because you are struggling with a friendship problem, here are some alternatives:If youre on facebook and interested in friendship, you can jointhe friendship blog connection pagethat has more than 1000 followers who are interested in connecting with others who want to discuss common friendship dilemmas.
It is possible to have sex with people you are friends with and remain friends (not for everyone, of course), and to be friends with people you used to have sex with but don't anymore.
There was no other place on the internet that offered advice on handling the tricky dilemmas of making and keeping friends, or on ending friendships that have run their course.
< br />this article:My friend nina and i were having one of our typical where oh where have the good men gone?
You need to stop pressuring him to create enough distance with his friends for your peace of mind (is there enough distance for that?
.you're advising people to lie if they find themselves in a similar situation to the boyfriend?
How difficult it can be to navigate friendships, i started the friendship blog in 2007 to help address that need.
, you may want to read the book that i wrote that inspired the blog: best friends forever: surviving a breakup with your best friend.
If you were writing me about your boyfriend not trusting you because of your sexual history and attempting to isolate you from close friends to make him feel more secure about your relationship, there wouldn't be much of a question about what you should do.
Friend Nina and I were having one of our typical where oh where have the good men gone?
I think she needs to get clearer, possibly with the help of a therapist, on what she wants her boyfriend to do and whether her expectations/desires are reasonable and appropriate.
I went through a similar situation with my fiance, only i was this woman's boyfriend in our scenario.
Rest of this article, like pointing out that she's borderline trying to isolate him from his friends, etc, is spot on, but that first bit bothers the hell out of me.
But the fact of the matter is that you don't respect what he's done, you don't accept his point of view about what sex and intimacy mean to him in various circumstances and you don't trust either him nor his friends-who-he-used-to-bone.
But if there's no satisfying way for him to explain the differences between these relationships, then maybe he really is keeping something from his girlfriend.
Likewise, her boyfriend/spouse has some emotional responsibility to her - no matter if her feelings are not entirely based on solid psychological footing - because relationships are about compromise.
While we were both dying to find our perfect boyfriends, i was even more ecstatic to have finally found a bff.
Or he even calls you his girlfriend, then says he's not ready for a relationship.
If she can't then it's time to move on to someone who's willing to pretend she's the only one he wants and possibly has left a trail of emotionally-mangled ex's in his wake (she wouldn't know, because she wouldn't know any of the women he'd been with previously).
I understand how some people can be disturbed by being with a partner who is friends with previous "fuck buddies", and i admit i used to be the same way.
It's something i only share with the person i'm with, and it distinguishes the difference between friendship and love for me.
) if you are looking for the friendship doctor, youll find me dishing out advice on the friendship blog.
To all who made the friendship blog a great success and i hope youll join me on this new journey!
, let me start by saying to anyone, including your boyfriend, that when your partner is even a little insecure about you being friends with people with whom you used to bump uglies, the appropriate thing to do even when specifically asked whether you would ever trip the light fantastic with them again if not in a relationship is to say, "no.
The fact that he's choosing to be faithful, that having her as his girlfriend is more important to him than sleeping with those other women, is what matters.
Want to express my sincere appreciation to the supportive community that the friendship blog has engendered.
Friend max, a 35-year-old musician, has been sleeping with his ex-girlfriend for over two years now.
Arrived at this page because after ten years, more than 2200 blog posts, 30,000 comments, and more than 37,000 reader posts on the forums section of the website, the friendship blog closed down onjune 1, 2017.
My boyfriend's best friend is an ex-girlfriend who is a smart, funny, gorgeous, swedish, model/future doctor and i love her to pieces.
How would you feel if someone you were seeing made you choose between him/her and your friends?
You need to accept what he's saying at face value and given the evidence of his current behavior: that your relationship has meaning to him, that he is being faithful, that his friends-with-benefits situations with his friends were not relationships no matter how you understand friends-with benefits, even if he's had sex in both situations and gone to the movies in both situations.
My boyfriend and i have worn this argument to the bare bones, but we still don't seem to understand each other.
My boyfriend, however, has been with tons of women, and a couple of them were and are his best friends.
And nothing he can say to you is going to make you feel secure about his friends or comforted about his personal morality when it comes to physical intimacy, because that sense of security is something you need to work out in your own head.
You know that makes no sense, but the person who can stop it isn't your boyfriend, it's you.
Telling her that she cannot feel insecure because her boyfriend's past is so different from hers is not productive.
Since the breakup, he said, my ex-girlfriend has definitely tried to hurt me as payback for how bad i made her feel.
What happens when groom's girlfriend shows up at his wedding in the same dress as the bride.
What is the difference between a relationship with a friend and your relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend (aside from sex) that lets a boyfriend/girlfriend know that they have nothing to worry about?
Women seems to have issue not really with the prior sex, but with the current level of intimacy he shares with his past sexual partners/friends.
At the same time, if what she wants out of a relationship is bone-crushing, horse-blinder monogamy, well, she shouldn't have to feel bad about that either.
I feel like as long as he remains friends with these women, he'll never be truly committed to me.
But at this point, you're creating a situation in which you're increasingly likely to get hurt because of yours efforts to control the minutiae of your boyfriend's other friendships to keep from getting hurt.
What you want is for him to cut off contact with his friends, which is totally unfair, in the hopes that you feel more secure -- but even if that works temporarily, it's no permanent solution to the bigger problem that his past in general makes you feel insecure about his commitment to your current relationship.
No one wants to get hurt but, at the end of the day, intimacy means giving someone else the ability to hurt you, and you can't control that.
In fact, he has drawn boundaries with his friendly former fuck buddies: he doesn't fuck them!
Or maybe she's too busy with her career for a serious boyfriend and he doesn't mind a more casual thing but prefers a committed partner.
Also possibly on her understanding of romantic relationships - she seems to believe sex is the only difference between friendship and romance, and that worries me.
But in your head, they are waiting in the wings and rubbing their hands together like evil cartoon villains, just waiting to get back into your boyfriend's drawers.